Monday, June 30, 2008

News From Pride

1. Nice Things

So, I was at the pride parade one year and a group of bears walked by. One of the bears was wearing chaps with no underwear, meaning his butt was naked. A few feet in front of me, the bear stopped walking. Another bear came up behind him, knelt down, and began rimming him in full view of the crowd.

At that point it hit me:

This is why we can't have nice things.

I'm all for adults engaging in mutual consensual sex of whatever type they want. But it's public displays of, um, affection like above that people like "LGBT News Correspondent" Peter LaBarbera will inevitably photograph, turn into anti-gay propaganda, and present as though gay men and lesbians, but usually gay men, frequently engage in public sex acts on parade routes. (And oh dear god, if there had been a child in the audience!)

2. Such a Lesbo

Here is a conversation that two of my friends had during a Pride party.

Grace: I want to make out with a girl tonight. [Points at a woman at the party] What do you think about that one? She's cute.

Jane: Eww. Don't make out with her, she sucks at flag football.

Grace: [Laughs and then tells me what Jane said]

Fannie: Well, it's true.

3. Hub-ub-ub Hub-ub-ub

I'm pretty sure that every year of the pride parade there's a rumor that "someone fell off a float" and that's why the parade has briefly halted. It's never true.

Except this year, I think it really happened.

4. Irrelevancy

Can I just say to the protesters (who were outnumbered 25,000 to 20, by the way) that holding up an "Adam and Steve" sign is so, like, 1985. But more importantly, it speaks to a larger issue: holier-than-thou protesters are boring and not at all creative. Yeah, we get it. You think "homosexuality is sin." Neat-o. What part of "not everyone accepts your intolerant version of [insert religion] and therefore you're personal beliefs aren't going to rain on our gay pride parade" don't you understand?

Just sayin.

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