Breakable Literal Bible Rule of the Week: Soothsaying

One time, I went to Provincetown for a vacation. Being from a small town in the Midwest, Provincetown was quite the change of scenery for me. For those of you not in the know, there are a great number of.... fortune-tellers in Provincetown.

Back when I went to this charming city by the sea, I was not as concerned with living a holy life as I have been in recent days. Had I known then what I know now, I would have never drunkenly ventured into that soothsayer's dimly lit cavern of sin. For, the Lord tells us in Leviticus (20:6) that

"Should anyone turn to mediums and fortune-tellers and follow their wanton ways, I will turn against such a one and cut him off from his people."

My first important question is whether this rule even applies to me as a woman. The Lord, as he does so frequently when declaring his rules, speaks as though only male humans must follow his rules. Does this mean that women are free to be wanton?

Hmmm.

Well, assuming that I, a mere woman, am also a human being and therefore subject to God's rules, I seek further clarification. Specifically, is the law telling us that we should not turn to fortune-tellers at all or that we can go to fortune-tellers but we cannot follow their bawdy ways? This is of vital concern to me. See, I merely had a single tarot card reading. Surely that is not rule-breaky enough to warrant God completely turning against me and cutting me of from God's people.

Right?

Perhaps most importantly, though, the Lord tells us in Leviticus 20:27 that the fortune-teller is a bigger sinner than is the one who seeks the services of a fortune-teller:

"A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortune-teller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death."

Well, one thing is clear, unlike many rules this one clearly applies to both male and female human beings.

That being said, should I travel back to Provincetown and stone the fortune-teller myself or is it acceptable to have a friend who lives in Massachusetts do the deed for me? Or, perhaps the Lord envisioned the stoning to be done by local law enforcement officials. In which case, thus far, the Massachusetts law and order has neglected this duty. Once I receive the go-ahead from the Lord on this issue, I will definitely remind them. I am an attorney at law, after all, and it's my duty to uphold the law of the land.



Ugh, the Bible is so hard.