Reacting to the US Department of Justice's recent decision to stop defending DOMA, Robert Knight, who boasts of having helped write a first draft of the law, "takes off his gloves."
I guess he needed to take them off so he could peck out a little temper tantrum with as minimal typos as possible. It's inadvisable, after all, to just start publicly saying shit when you're all worked up. Like:
"I regard Obama's order on Feb. 23 to Attorney General Eric Holder to abandon DOMA's legal defense as lawless, reckless, arrogant and a violation of his oath of office. I think it is an impeachable offense.
I'm just warming up."
Ooh hoo hoo.
Ahem.
In case you didn't know, we are apparently to take it as a self-evident truth that it's A Feat of Incredible Bravery and Awesomeness whenever heterosexual Christian men stand strong and defend us against the grave harms of abortion and LGBT rights, issues that uniquely affect women and LGBT people. Naturally, these men don't view rape or murder or terrorism or war or domestic violence or any other misdeed disproportionately committed by men as rising to the same level of civilization-destroying capability that abortion and same-sex marriage do. No sir, they only "take the gloves off" when they want to figuratively beat up on women and queers.
Anyhoo, now that he's all warmed up and rarin' to go, Knight continues by citing a specious, hate-group-produced bit of propaganda, er I mean, a "shocking expose," about the Eveels Of Same-Sex Marriage (which I've addressed here). He offers this bit of evidence as proof that:
"Obama and his minions are counting on our being so shell-shocked by the trillions in debt and the spectacle of public employee union mobs that we won't notice their ongoing effort to homosexualize America."
Dun. Dun. DUN!
Srsly? He actually says "minions" (which, incidentally, always brings to my mind marching battalions of pearl onions, but I digress). I think the important thing to ask here is WTF does it even mean to "homosexualize America"? Mandatory L Word viewings in public schools and workplaces followed by competitive buttsex to the tune of Lady Gaga?
He asks:
"Why do so many Republicans, when faced with brash evil, respond with concerns about timing or procedure? Where is Reagan when you need him?"
Where's Reagan? No doubt he's in heaven, busy reminiscing about the burgeoning AIDS epidemic he ignored and joked about when he was the prez. Our white Knight continues:
"Let's get back to what presidents are supposed to do, regardless of their religious avowals. They are chief executives, and the Constitution does not empower them to dispense with laws they deem unconstitutional, as Obama has done with DOMA.
Presidents execute the laws enacted by Congress. Article II requires the president to 'preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.'"
Blahddity blah blah blah. Does Knight even know what he's saying with those words? I mean, he cites Article II, but then he pretends that it's not a reasonable interpretation of that requirement for a President to refuse to defend a law that he finds unconstitutional. That's okay though. He doesn't need a real argument, since he doesn't think who gets to be legally married is even a valid, debatable question in the first place:
"Marriage predates any known human government. It is not open to debate except where lunatics have taken over the asylum and can't see any difference between John and Mary tying the knot and John and Fred playing house."
Here we see the audacity of nope.
Not only do "marriage defenders" get to say what objectively counts as marriage for all people and cultures everywhere since the beginning of time, they get to say what topics are and are not up for debate in our political system. And, if you disagree with that version of reality, you're CrAzY! (For real, I think they added Marriage Delusion Disorder to the latest edition of the DSM).
Thus, Knight ends, predictably:
"By declaring his intention to allow radical judges to find a 'right' to homosexual 'marriage' in the U.S. Constitution, Barack Obama is pouring gasoline on a bonfire that is destroying the legal protections of marriage -- and civilization itself."
Bwahahahaha.
I can do metaphors too. Indeed, I'm right now reminded of a drunk dude I once saw pissing off a Mardi Gras float into the crowd under the mistaken impression that he was a hero putting out a fire.
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