A Conversation About X-Files Inequality, As Represented in Fanfic Format

So yeah, people who love Mulder may want to skip this one.

I recently had an actual man, one who admitted he had never seen X Files, suggest to me that David Duchovny is a bigger draw than Gillian Anderson, and that's why he was/should be paid more than her. This convo was in response to the recent Daily Beast article in which Anderson discussed being paid less than Duchovny.

What do you do about such an extreme instance of clueless mansplaining, really, except drink vodka straight from the dog bowl and start writing revisionist fanfic about it?

ACT ONE

Scully: [entering Mulder's office at the FBI] Mulder, did you know you've been making twice my salary? [On his desk, she slams down an internal memo] This was just leaked to me by Jones.

Mulder: What? [kicks feet off desk, leans forward to look at memo]

Scully: Apparently, you've been paid twice my salary since we've been working together.

Mulder: [frowning] Who's Jones?

Scully: That woman, you know, in IT?

Mulder: Never heard of her. [Shrugs]

Scully: Come to think of it, I've never actually interacted with her, or any other woman here, either.  She just put this memo in my mailbox.

Mulder: ....Wonder if she's cute.

Scully: [rolls eyes] Do you have anything to say about this?

Mulder: Now, Scully. [putting up hands] You know I'm the biggest advocate for equality and civil rights-

Scully: I sense a "but" coming-

Mulder: But, have you considered that I might be more talented than you?

Scully: I have. And you're not.

Mulder: Well, did you try negotiating for higher pay, then?

Scully: I did. And I have equal pay now. But, I didn't know what you made until the leak. Seems kind of unfair, doesn't it?

Mulder: Scully, are you suggesting that the FBI willfully participated in a campaign of inequality against women?

Scully: Well. Yes.

Mulder: [laughs, shakes his head, pops some sunflower seeds into his mouth]

Scully: So, let's get this straight. There are extraterrestrial worms that can induce people to kill each other?

Mulder: [nods]

Scully: And glow-in-the-dark prehistoric mites which suck humans dry?

Mulder: That's right.

Scully: And you believe in pyrokinetics, telekinesis, and clairvoyance.

Mulder: Yes.

Scully: But believing me when I tell you I've experienced discrimination is too much of a stretch?

Mulder: The truth is out there, Scully. You just have to take an objective step back.

Scully: Well then. I suppose this is as good a time as any to let you know that today I requested and received a promotion into the Fringe Division. When my new partner, Agent Olivia Dunham, swings by to pick me up later, I'll introduce you on our way out.

Mulder:..... Is she cute?

Scully: Yes, actually. [winks, exits Mulder's office]

THE END


Anyway, in real life, I think my favorite part of interacting with my male acquaintance was his admission that he has literally zero, zilch, goose egg knowledge of the show in question. But still, still, he suggested, because it is a woman he was speaking to, that I had not considered the scenario from all possible, objective angles.

In any event, I assure you I responded to this guy with the utmost sincerity, civility, and reason in the moment, but because I'm speaking with you all, I'll just say this for now: fucking mansplainers.