Thursday, March 5, 2015

A Correlation

Might this (mansplaining) be related to this (men on average being more narcissistic than women)?

I would speculate yes.

By far, most men who have engaged in mansplaining with me seem to have been motivated by supreme over-confidence in their own intellect coupled with an assumption that my own, a woman's, was beneath theirs.  They have also seen driven by entitlement, both to my time and to engage in aggression when they have deemed me insufficiently pleasant to their attempts to "correct" and "instruct" me.

This being said, I would agree with the speculation that men being, on average, more narcissistic than women is at least partly explained by socialization.

Not all men. Of course.

I also believe that men's on average *ahem* greater confidence in themselves also contributes to women experiencing imposter syndrome.

In my professional life, I have learned to be wary of those, especially men, who often speak with extreme confidence and who rarely express doubt, even when complicated issues arise. I have also learned that, when people are uncertain in professional situations, people who speak confidently can be very convincing, even if they're completely full of shit.   I have seen leaders make horrible decisions, because they listened to the persons who spoke the most confidently rather than the person who expressed uncertainty about a course of action.

When I have been faced with decisions in my own life, I try to remember this, and to therefore trust my gut and listen to my relatively shakier inner monologue that's thinking we maybe don't know all of the facts - even if there's a louder, more confident voice saying otherwise.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Ha HA HA, Of Course!

Via Priceonomics:

"The Time Everyone 'Corrected' the World's Smartest Woman"

I grew up reading Parade magazine every Sunday morning and Marilyn vos Savant's "Ask Marilyn" column was, in my opinion, the best part of it.

The above-cited article is chock full of some big-time condescending mansplaining circa 1990, demonstrating that even though the term mansplaining had yet to exist, the phenomenon itself certainly did.

If a Guinness Boom of World  Records holder for Highest IQ can't answer a brainteaser in her column without getting 10,000 letters erroneously telling her she's wrong, where is the hope for the rest of us?

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

To Think That It All Started

When a boy didn't want to take his diarrhea medicine.  Via Buzzfeed:
"Men’s rights activists often cite the first time they realized it’s a woman’s world. They call these 'red pill' moments, after the scene in The Matrix when the main character is faced with the decision to swallow a red pill and recognize the true nature of the world or take a blue pill and continue living a lie For Elam, that revelation came at age 13, when his mother tried to force him to take his diarrhea medicine."
The article doesn't include some of Paul's most infamous words of "wisdom" regarding women, but to recap, in the past he's said that the last two generations of women are:
"shallow, self-serving wastes of human existence—parasites—semi-human black holes that suck resources and goodwill out of men and squander them on the mindless pursuit of vanity."
So it will surprise you greatly that the referenced Buzzfeed presents Elam has having quite the troubled past with women in his life.


Tuesday, January 20, 2015

2014 Book Experiment: The Results Are In!

Welp, the results from my very-creatively-named 2014 Book Experiment*, in which I only read books written by women for the entire year, are in.

I'll start by sharing the books I read:

  • The Heart Goes Last: Positron, Episode Four - Margaret Atwood
  • Allegiant - Veronica Roth
  • Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive: Julia Serrano
  • Paris Was a Woman: Portraits From the Left Bank - Andrea Weiss
  • Kushiel's Dart - Jacqueline Carey
  • Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood
  • Indexing - Seanan McGuire
  • You Feel So Mortal: Essays on the Body - Peggy Shinner
  • Bloodchild: And Other Stories - Octavia Butler
  • Feast of Souls: Book One - CS Friedman
  • Santa Olivia - Jacqueline Carey
  • The Kingdom of Gods - NK Jemisin
  • The Year of the Flood: A Novel - Margaret Atwood
  • Kushiel's Chosen - Jacqueline Carey
  • Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail - Cheryl Strayed
  • Spin State -  Chris Moriarty
  • The Blue Place - Nicola Griffith
  • Women, Culture, & Politics - Angela Davis
  • How to Suppress Women's Writing - Joanna Russ
  • Ash - Malinda Lo
  • Ammonite - Nicola Griffith
  • Brown Girl in the Ring - Nalo Hopkinson
  • MaddAddam: A Novel - Margaret Atwood
  • The Paying Guests - Sarah Waters
  • Becoming Odyssa: Adventures on the Appalachian Trail - Jennifer Pharr Davis
  • Unbroken - Laura Hillenbrand
1) I didn't feel that something was "lacking" from my reading experience.  Although, frankly my dears, I also didn't expect to find anything lacking in my reading experience when I set out on the Experiment.

2) I have re-learned that in addition to fantasy and science fiction, I also greatly enjoy both adventure books and (not sure how I feel about this term, so scare quote) "hard" science fiction books - especially when women are the subjects.  The latter two genres in particular are often coded as "male" genres, particularly when men are the subjects - but I wonder how that would change if women were more consistently portrayed as major characters with cool roles within adventure writing and "hard" science fiction. Chris Moriarty's Spin State series was the most thought-provoking book of the bunch, for me.

3) I'm a big fan of Margaret Atwood, obvs.  But, one of my favorite aspects of this Experiment was sharing updates here on the blog and, in turn, receiving great book recommendations from those of you who made them.  Jacqueline Carey, Nalo Hopkinson, and Nicola Griffith were all authors new to me and I will be reading more of their work in the future!  Thanks to all for participating!

4) I skewed heavily in science fiction and fantasy in 2014, particularly trilogies and sequels. Carey's Kushiel books are massive, so I wasn't able to get through as many books as I thought I would. No regrets though. The only series I've given up on is Friedman's Magister series - it just isn't working for me, for reasons I wrote about here.  

Relatedly, I was unsure how I would respond to Davis' Becoming Odyssa - as some of the reviews I had read of it noted annoyance at the author injecting her Christian beliefs into her account of hiking the Appalachian Trail.  I don't share the author's beliefs and couldn't relate to them - but I could relate to some of her experiences and the feeling of being called to nature without having a necessarily fleshed out articulation as to why. So, I didn't find her injection of her religion to be a detraction from the overall story (she also recounts going skinny dipping with a lesbian at one point, so!).  At the same time, Cheryl Strayed's account of hiking the Pacific Crest Trail was more raw and, to me, relatable, however. 
5) Queer fiction or fiction with queer characters- I really have missed reading it.  Griffith, Lo, Moriarty, Carey, and Waters reminded me that I want to read more of it. Suggestions?

5) Looking forward, I hope to continue writing occasional "what's everyone reading" posts, in hopes that people will continue sharing the great recommendations with one another. I'm currently reading Carey's Kushiel's Avatar.  I also have Dangerous Women, the anthology edited by George RR Martin and Gardner Dozois, in my queue so I suppose I'll likely read that at some point this year.


*The idea for this Experiment was borrowed from a post by Lilit Marcus - you can read what she has to say about her experience here.


Monday, January 19, 2015

Quote of the Day

From Melissa at Shakesville:
"How can men possibly be expected to participate in a space where the deity, his sacrificial son, that son's twelve BFFs, the author of every single book of their holy text, the pope, every cardinal, every archbishop, every bishop, every priest, every deacon are all men, but women are allowed to say things and wash dishes? No wonder men are running for the hills."
This observation was in response to the former highest-ranking US cardinal blaming the "feminization" of the Catholic Church on sexually confusing male priests, causing priests to sexually abuse children, and running men out of church:
"While he directs most of his ire at 'radical feminists,' he also appears rankled by ordinary women doing ordinary Church activities. To him, that act alone constitutes the dangerous feminization of the Church that has alienated, disenchanted and made men sexually confused. 
'Apart from the priest, the sanctuary has become full of women,' Burke continued. 'The activities in the parish and even the liturgy have been influenced by women and become so feminine in many places that men do not want to get involved. Men are often reluctant to become active in the Church. The feminized environment and the lack of the Church's effort to engage men has led many men to simply opt out.'"
His is a common whine - that once women are allowed, even in small incremental ways, into the Boys Only Treehouse, it's no longer a super-duper special place by virtue of its total exclusion of girls and women. Thus does inequality (not even equality!) for women become framed as "oppression of men," which results in an entire fucking men's rights movement.




Friday, January 16, 2015

A Most Civil Response

An update to yesterday's post: The anti-gay Christian writer has responded to Ellen's clip in an "open letter." It's an extremely odd mix of complimentary and incredibly condescending, demeaning commentary.

In it, he acknowledges that Ellen is indeed a funny gal, and pleads, "hasn't the time arrived for everyone involved in this dialogue on gay-related issues to lower our voices and approach one another with respect and civility though we have our differences?" He then continues:
"Being 56 years old, childless and with your third 'partner,' you may not understand the awesome responsibility it is to shape impressionable and vulnerable children. I've done it with children and grandchildren plus helped parents for over 42 years with this most challenging task. 
....Ellen, a nation rises or falls on marriage. If we dismantle this pillar of society, as it has existed for over 5000 years of Western civilization and redefine it to accommodate other arrangements such as yours (or those advocating for polyamorous, polygamous or other configurations) what will be the consequences for this sacred institution and the future of our nation?"
Previous articles of his include, "Are You Aware of the Avalanche of Gay Programming Assaulting Your Home?" and "Archie Comics Now Includes Homosexuality, Witchcraft, Demons and Occult."

These anti-gay (and Christian supremacist) viewpoints are nothing new, of course, but it's worth pointing out the profound disconnect.  Many LGBT people view people like this guy as obvious raging bigots who lack all awareness of the harm their words cause. To many ant-LGBT Christians, though, accusations of bigotry feel incredibly unfair, and as though the label is used to intentionally "shut down conversation." As though, by virtue of these beliefs being religious, the beliefs cannot by definition be problematic, uncivil, or immoral.

I encountered this attitude a lot when I was a guest blogger at Family Scholars Blog when we discussed civility. To me, and many LGBT people, statements like this guy's about same-sex marriage and homosexuality having the power to destroy civilization are demeaning to our human dignity. In this case, to make it super personal, referencing Ellen's past relationships and using scare quotes in reference to her legal wife, which suggests that Portia is not actually her wife, in order to make a point suggesting that she can't possibly therefore understand the implications of same-sex marriage is, simply put, an asshole move.

Over the years, it has been a learning experience to me that these kinds of statements can be so obviously demeaning to me, while many anti-LGBT Christians think they are being perfectly civil and respectful. Many anti-LGBT Christians and LGBT people/allies are operating from different definitions of civility. Working from the simplistic notion, for instance, that both swearing and slurs are "uncivil" and that basically everything else is fair game, many Christians believe that if they state their anti-LGBT opinions politely enough, without saying "fuck" or "fag," then they can cause no harm and as though there's nothing offensive or wrong about what they say.  They think there's a stark difference between the message, "all fags are going to hell" and "you're going to hell because of your homosexuality." (Erm, to me, there's not a meaningful difference between the two).

When such Christians state their anti-LGBT views while simultaneously believing they're replicating the "word of god," well, there's really no telling them that they're actually being quite awful.

I suspect that's what's going on here, as well.  Mr Christian Guy suggested that he and Ellen get coffee and talk about things in a civil manner, and he deigns to elevate the discourse to a higher, nicer level. What offers like that tangibly mean for LGBT people, however, is subjecting ourselves to verbal assaults from people who inflict them with the approval of their own consciences.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Our Leader Has Spoken

This clip is being widely circulated, but it demonstrates pretty well why I have so much respect for Ellen DeGeneres. She's consistently funny without being mean about it.  In the clip, she addresses one anti-gay Christian writer's contempt of her marriage and her purported Lesbian Agenda. I highly recommend watching it, if you're able.

Ellen DeGeneres Shut Down An Anti-Gay Pastor In The Most Amazing Way


Meanwhile, most anti-LGBT individuals that I have experienced, particularly those who dedicate to their livelihoods to opposing LGBT equality, are consistently both cruel and absolutely humorless.  It's probably a matter of time until some anti-LGBT group photoshops the above image and presents it as Ellen's sincere effort to recruit young girls into a life of lesbianism.

Remember, oppressors are often the reverse of what they claim to be, with their accusations of their opponents largely being psychological projections.

The views of bigots who refer to same-sex marriages as "marriages" and who continue to sprout Anita Bryant-era rhetoric are being increasingly marginalized, both morally and legally, as they should be.

Using her large platform, and unlike many anti-LGBT individuals, Ellen's response demonstrates both grace and humor.  That, fundamentally, is one of the largest failings of the anti-LGBT movement in the US. This is very "pop evidence," but when people post Buzzfeed-style articles about The Year's Most Movement Moments In Pictures, often included are same-sex couples, legally married for the first time in various states.

Do such photo arrays ever include opponents of equality rejoicing, holding these moments up as profound, touching statements on the human experience? Not that I've seen. With their corny anti-equality "party kits" and traveling hate buses seeking "crazy" photos of gay people, and underneath its narratives of how "Christians" are being oppressed by the legal recognition of same-sex marriage, the anti-equality movement is, simply put, unhip. Cruel. Humorless. Utterly lacking in self-awareness, thinking it can convince Americans that theirs is the real message of love and justice.