Friday, February 10, 2017

Femslash Friday: My Totino

I've watched the Saturday Night Live "Totinos" Super Bowl sketch approximately eleventymillion times since it aired last weekend.

What I find impressive is that it begins with the bro-iest setup ever but then crescendos through a series of over-the-top tropes from queer women's cinema, totally redeeming itself.

First, there's the guys sitting around watching the big game. It's clear that the only woman present is in attendance in a mommy-wife capacity only, and not as a peer or true sports fan. She asks, "Is everyone enjoying the big game?" And the husband responds, "Come on babe, don't act like you know sports." She agrees, saying, the only thing she knows about is feeding her "hungry guys."

More of the husband's friends arrive, then, one of them bringing his sister (played by Kristen Stewart, who is looking very Shane, I might add). And then, the Sapphic plot thickens, as the tropes are employed:
  • First, the sister's name is Sabine, because of course it is. Her brother is an American super-frat bro, but she's apparently a sexy French queer woman. Meaningful, prolonged eye contact between the protagonist and Sabine is made, because Sabine is apparently a sexy French queer woman.
  • We then see extreme close-ups of Sabine's various body parts: lips, an eye, a strand of hair.
  • As they spread the pizza rolls on the tray, their hands graze. Is there anything sexier than spreading Totinos for hungry guys, with Sabine? Probably not.
  • The women are then suddenly holding each other, and what I can only describe as the Sapphic camera filter is employed (there may be a technical term for this but it's, like, the background is suddenly smoky and candlelit. Sensual!)
  • The protagonist is then drawing Sabine. There is a brief water fight, and then they are suddenly actually speaking French.
  • (This is all happening while the bro-dudes are in the same room, 100% oblivious)
LOL Forever.

Kristen Stewart and Vanessa Bayer both did an excellent job, in my opinion. And, I bet it was intentional not to include KStew and Kate McKinnon together, as that would have resulted in queer women everywhere spontaneously combusting.

But seriously, may you all find your Totino(s).

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