Monday, April 21, 2008

A "Preventing Homosexuality" Tutorial

After reading Focus on the Family's so very helpful guide on recognizing whether your spouse is a homo, I came across this handy-dandy "Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality" written by Joseph and Linda Nicolosi- founders of National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality.

This guide doesn't really have tips, per se, because it is in the form of a family testimonial. Yet, *amazingly*, from this one single family we can glean tidbits of fact that are applicable to all families and their potential heterosexually-challenged children.

Like this:

1. Women, if you are pregnant, don't "hope" that your child will be one gender or another.

If you wish for a girl while pregnant for example, and it turns out that you have a boy, your magical girl wishes will be absorbed by the fetus in the womb and your boy will be born with serious identity issues.

Disappointed mother "Linda" explains:

"By the time I was pregnant with Jimmy, I wanted a girl so badly. Jimmy was to be our last child. When he was born, I was disappointed to tears."

The authors of the article interpret the situation:

"Perhaps Jimmy and his mother had unconsciously worked together to remedy that disappointment because at the age of eight, Jimmy was now his mom's closest friend. A caring and gentle boy who showed a gift for playing the piano, Jimmy was the kind of child who is naturally attuned to what other people are thinking and feeling. By this age, he could read his mother's moods 'like a book,' but had not a single male friend his age. In fact, he was already showing many signs of pre-homosexual behavior."

First off, readers, I bet many of you didn't know that being a gifted piano player and having empathy for another human being constitutes "pre-homosexual" behavior in boys. Parents should definitely discourage their sons from playing instruments and being nice to their parents.

But that's all sort of tangential. For, this testimonial really shows us the power that a mother has. Her unconscious desires often manifest into reality. Because the mother is so powerful, let's see if her desire for a heterosexual son will cause her son to become heterosexual.


Nope. Only a father can set his boy straight.

2. Men, take note: Don't be aloof fathers.

If you are aloof as a father, your male child won't know how to properly act like a male. Rather, he will model himself on his supernaturally powerful and overbearing mother.

Disappointed father "Gordon" explains:

"When Jimmy was little, I went through a tough time. Our marriage was stretched to the max, and I was having a lot of trouble at work. I guess I just didn't want to be bothered reaching out to a temperamental little kid who pouted and stomped off to his room whenever I said something he took as criticism."

Here, you can see how the boy's father ignored the little boy because the boy was too, ahem, "sensitive." Because the boy was too "sensitive" the father became aloof and the boy became "sensitive." Which came first, you may ask, the boy's "sensitivity" or the father's "aloofness"? It's hard to say, really. For purposes of homosexuality prevention, it doesn't really matter.

(Ssshh, "sensitive" is a code-word for girly. And there aren't many things worse for a boy to be than "girly.")

Now that that's all settled, in light of this father's aloofness working in combination with the mother's strong desire for a girl, we can see how "Gordon" and "Linda" caused their son to be gay.

In a similar vein, America is currently going through a fatherhood crisis caused by a breakdown in the traditional family. This is bad because little boys who don't have male role models turn into adult homosexuals.

Mothers, on the other hand, are abundant. That's why lesbians don't exist.

3. Parents: Let your son act like a girl but don't let him act like a girl.

The Focus on the Family article explains:

"It is essential that you always respectfully listen to your child. Don't force him into activities he hates. Don't make him conform to a role that frightens him. Don't shame him into covering up effeminate mannerisms. The process of change must proceed gradually, through a series of steps that are always accompanied by encouragement."

It's "essential" not to force your son to engage in "masculine" activities. At the same time, your son must engage in "masculine" activities if you do not want him to be gay. This is all just a roundabout way of saying that you should use the behavioral therapy systematic desensitization to progressively force your son to engage in "masculine" activities. But wait, you may say, shouldn't we save behavioral therapy for a licensed and qualified therapist. Yes. That's why such behavior modification should be done "with or without a therapist," according to Dr. Nicolosi founder of National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality.

To sum it all up, since all gay boys are effeminate little princesses who secretly play with their sisters' E-Z bake ovens, this strategy simply cannot fail. Changing gender nonconforming behavior prevents homosexuality, you see.

4. And lastly, if you have a girl, none of this really matters.

Even though the guide touts itself as "preventing homosexuality" it's clear that we're really only concerned with male homosexuality.

As the last tip indicates, it is important that you handle your child's possible queerness firmly yet not in a way that forces "him" to be something "he's" not.

Being a boy is hard and homosexuality, you see, is "associated with" the "challenges" of being a boy. Nicolosi explains:

"As we've seen, boyhood gender confusion is really a retreat from the challenges of masculinity. And many studies indicate that gender confusion is also associated with other problems, which--as in Jimmy's case--usually include rejection of his father, social isolationism, and compensation in a fantasy world."

It's important that your boys don't grow up to be homosexuals.

Good times.

Addendum: As the comments below allude, it is articles like these, with the equation of homosexuality with gender nonconformity, that make me seriously question the (mis)understanding that these "traditional values" groups have of gay people. This article reflects a belief, based on anecdote, that parents are responsible for homosexuality and that all gay people subscribe to the traditional gender roles of the opposite sex.

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