Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dog Poop Awards

One of the... "fun" things about writing a blog is that you encounter all sorts of people and internet personas. I have written before about the internet fuckwad phenomenon whereby anonymity plus audience magically turns "normal" people into "fuckwads."

Well, a related blog phenomenon is where a person anonymously or, more interestingly non-anonymously, leaves a comment that is the internet equivalent of lighting a paper bag of dog turds on fire, leaving it on someone's front porch, and running away. Just as a note of full disclosure, I read this analogy in a comment thread at another blog but can't for the life of me find it. I suck. But I'm going to expand on it and turn it into an award. See, dog poop commenters have no intention of engaging in actual dialogue or debate on an issue, rather, they just want to drop off their asinine statement(s) and then hide in the bushes watching people frantically try to put out the fire.

So, here are the first annual (or monthly, whatever) Dog Poop Awards.


May I present second runner-up "Ian":

After my post about a recent denial of death benefits for same-sex partners in Illinois, "Ian" valiantly said "The injustice would be requiring taxpayers to pay more of their hard earned money to support immoral homosexual behavior" before scurrying away.

Neat-o. When "Ian" was pressed for more of an argument, we were met with resounding silence. Good talk, good talk.

The first-runner up goes to "Sparky," author of this witty question after my post about Mike Huckabee winning the Iowa primary:

"Is this a dyke blog?"

It's an understandable question. Most heterosexual women write as much about homos, lezzies, sports, and feminism as I do.

And now, may I present the super-duper grand champion Dog Poop Award winner to "John Lofton" for the longest string of non sequiturs, irrelevant comments, and condemnations to Hell after one of my book reviews. What this commenter did was a fun variation on the dog poop game called "let's light a bunch of sequential bags of dog poop, leave them in Fannie's Room, run away, come back, ignore the little fires that Fannie put out, leave more little turds, run away again, and so on."

Beginning here with his irrelevant spam-like proclamation "Bulletin! This just in! All of us are creatures, not the Creator. We live in God's world governed by God's Law. To deny this is not to change this fact-of-life. You do not have to believe in Hell to go there" and ending 60-some comments later by bringing sexy back with a John 3:36 quotation, this "interaction" was a dictionary definition Dog Poop experience. Although this man quoted many Bible verses, his irrelevancy and troll-like behavior failed to distinguish him from those men who come to your door trying to sell you Christianity.

*Sigh* I love the internets and, dear winners:


Congratulations all around.

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