Today, I want to take a brief moment to thank WorldNetDaily for so reliably being on the constant lookout for danger to Society, America, the Family, and the Children. I myself am part of society, America, and a family, and so it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside knowing that my being is safely nuzzled within the vigilant watch of WorldNetDaily. This media machine is so concerned for the public interest that it even has a special (subscription-only!) magazine called Whistleblower that calls itself "credible, independent, and fearless." And we all know that if a magazine calls itself credible and independent it logically follows that it must be credible and independent because, of course, it's credible and independent.
But more importantly, this magazine is fearless!
First, there's the title of the magazine. The term "whistleblower" allegedly "derives from the practice of English bobbies who would blow their whistle when they noticed the commission of a crime. The blowing of the whistle would alert both law enforcement officers and the general public of danger." I like that explanation, so I'm going to go with it. See, surely we can rest assured that a magazine calling itself Whistleblower alerts us to danger, especially danger that the mainstream media is too scared to report.
And folks, danger is lurking everywhere, didn't ya know?
For instance, the latest edition proves- that's right proves- "once and for all" that Hillary Clinton has more in common with the fictional "malevolent cyborg" in Terminator than she does with the fictional protagonist in Rocky. Why? According to Whistleblower, Clinton is a "pathological liar," she has a "foul mouth," and basically she's just sort of all-around scandalicious. (Disregarding the fact that a strong case could be made that the distinction of resembling said Cyborg more appropriately belongs to a certain governator,) Oh dear god, America, did you hear that?! Do you know what this means? If Clinton is elected, a future in which evil cyborgs take over the military and launch a war against humanity is all but inevitable.
And lest you think that other Democratic contender is any better, another issue toots its whistle about Barack (Hussein) Obama's "secret life." This issue explores the question of whether Barack (Hussein) Obama, a man who one day might command "the mightiest military in world history," harbors "an ominous secret agenda few understand." Highlighted articles include forays into Obama's alleged "Islamic youth," Reverend Wright-gate, and Obama's alleged support for the "gay agenda." All of this reveals, that's right reveals, Obama to be "one of the most dangerous men ever to be considered for the presidency." Oohhhhhhhhh mama.
But the danger is not limited to politicians. The March 2006 edition, for instance discusses the "endless streams of female schoolteachers having sex with their underage male students" and how this "problem of school teachers molesting students dwarfs in magnitude the clergy sex-abuse scandal that rocked the Catholic Church." Wait, did Whistleblower just conflate the few man-bites-dog cases of female teachers having sex with male students with the much more prevalent dog-bites-man cases of male teachers molesting female students? *PEDOPHILE PEDOPHILE PEDOPHILE* What's that, you say? It doesn't matter. What matters is, oh dear god, the world is a scary place!
Cost of a 1-year subscription to Whistleblower magazine: $49.95
Learning about threats on which the mainstream media is too "scared" to report: priceless!